I went to see A Wrinkle in Time with the sis last night and this imaginary tale of embracing your faults and darker sides to become whole and share your light really resonated with me.
I was hurting bad.
Facing rejection of self from a man I loved completely, a company I passionately dedicated my life to and myself & my own values really pushed me over the edge.
Thankfully by the point everything came crashing down I had already begun entering the wound….
….So when life literally exploded I chose to go deeper and trust that this was for the best.
I think that’s actually the secret. It’s so simple, yet we don’t see it when we’re sad and detached from ourselves. It hurts when others judge you and label you and don’t like who you are at your core….but few things in life hurt more than rejection and disconnection of self.
The choices I made had me living completely outside of my own centre, my own values and my own self. I wasn’t even Alison anymore. I originally began this page to find myself again, and now, over a year later, I’m finally back and all I want to share is how I got here. As it took time and I’m still dealing with crap that surfaces.
Your feelings know everything. They tell you the truth….if only you’re bold enough to turn and face them, feel them fully, really dive into them, validate and accept them for yourself and then let them go…move on. If they come up again, go through them more and more….just keep asking yourself what you feel and you’ll get used to caring for yourself in this way.
For me the wound IS how I got here….to what I’ve been labelling as the BEST, most satisfying relationship I’ve ever had the pleasure of being in….one with myself.
I’m not perfect, by far I am! I get angry, I worry, I have faults and strengths like anybody does….but I accept them as part of who I am. Those “negative” qualities actually complete who I am. It’s within this beautiful acknowledgement and acceptance of those parts that inner power grows. If you embrace your ugly no one telling you you’re ugly can hurt you.
I’m still working through so much that I’ve suppressed and ignored and blamed throughout my life but as these things surface I use these uncomfortable, painful experiences and feelings to grow. To move forward.
….and you’ll never figure out where you’re going if you don’t revisit where you’ve been and learn from it.
The other main component seems to be spreading that light once you feel it inside you!
I AM GRATEFUL
I practice gratitude often. Always looking at what I have and what IS rather than what I don’t have, what I want or what isn’t working.
I now feel deep gratitude for my last “relationship” as it gave me SOOOOO much, like sooooo much. It gave me a chance to work through past memories of my relationship with my father, allowed me to redefine what romantic love is for me and really allowed me to transform and feel confident handling almost anything alone! I had never felt more alone than I did during that time in my life and as a result I became better at caring for myself and thus others, like my boys.
I feel deep gratitude for the termination of my relationship with my last employer as in doing so a WORLD of opportunities I would’ve NEVER have even considered in my previous, fear-filled state, opened up to me….and I’ve never felt more aligned with myself and my purpose like I do now. I’m grateful for everyone that has come into my life and taught me what I know today.
Creating a supportive team of ally’s is also important. Once you’ve reconnected with yourself and your feelings you’ll begin to understand who helps your inner light shine and who doesn’t. If it weren’t for my amazingly supportive friends, family and tribe mates I’ve met along the way I wouldn’t be where I am today. I truly believe all people are destine to walk through your path…..the trick is recognizing when it’s time to part. Some connections in my life have been with me for over 33 years of my existence. Super grateful for that 🙂
…but more than anything, something must be said about nature.
NATURE IS LOVE
The environment, outside, trees and nature have always held a special place in my heart but as I began looking to the natural world as a teacher and friend….magic started happening. We can all find the magic in nature if we look at nature with an open heart and the eyes of our childlike selves. Remember what it was like to be young…how free you felt. That is rightfully yours to claim. A wise shaman once told me “How we choose to see nature, is how we choose to see ourselves” and I couldn’t agree more. My trip to Costa Rica completely transformed my eyes and how I now know the outside world.
I am grateful for nature and mother earth. Trees and nature have helped me maintain a connection to love and in keeping my heart open to myself, others and life experiences I can easily receive and share the universal life energy that flows freely through an open hearted soul. The natural world is wise and so we must respect that…. nature is our ONLY example of unconditional love, for it has no conditioning and loves and gives free of judgement.
WOUNDS ARE GIFTS
The wounds we face are painful, they are almost unbearable to face sometimes and the fear and hurt that we as emotional human beings go through is sometimes just inconceivable…..but trust me when I tell you, that if you are searching for the light the easiest way to find it is to stop running from your own darkness. Just turn around and face it…..
…..look at the ‘darkness’, those “evil” parts of yourself and those things you hate in the eyes and tell them you love them!
Love is true power!
Love is the way….and now that I’ve finally figured it out I don’t plan to stop opening myself up to more.
I love myself, I love you as a result and I trust in both the universe and myself because I can feel this love and it is safe and it is real.
So here’s to the wounded.
Here’s to us:
- the liars
- the cheaters
- the manipulators
- the gossips
- the greedy
- the selfish
- the victims
- the haters
- the failures
- the scared
Here’s to us and all that we are….because it’s through those wounds we can find our light…and I wouldn’t have believed that unless I felt it happen. I have found my light and it is beautiful and it makes yours beautiful in my reality too.
Love & Light,