Personal Reflection, What Once Was

The past reveals the future. Always.

They say you should never look back….

So we strive to move forward and we want to do it as fast as possible!

…but we miss so much.

For those of you that know me, I write. I write a lot. If you see me and I don’t have a journal prepped by my side, your napkin will suffice πŸ˜‰

I’m ok tossing the past out of my life….I have even burnt numerous journals containing things no longer of service. On the flip side my naive soul tends to hold onto things, so I also have meaningful ones dating back to my first ever journals. I find I have so many thoughts, feelings, ideas and hope inside me that it’s a MUST to have somewhere I can pour that into.

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…. this post started here. With writing and Wine.

I was writing and dancing and creating my vision….you know, what else does one do once the kids are in bed? Dancing is always an option πŸ™‚

I had been in a mood all day that I was criss-crossing between trying to accept it and trying to completely avoid it. The way we are just trained to push away feelings is a difficult cycle to break. Somedays it takes A LOT of reminders that I’m human and I’m allowed to have bad days…. but an aware bad day is better than nothing.

Anyway….I was sitting there pondering on some feelings surrounding my own shame and guilt and just accepting it and forgiving myself and apologizing to the people I’ve wronged through sweet cleansing tears. The ugly cries…..

Then it hit me!

I thought I should go look back to my old journals to mull over the past and see how far I had come or what I needed to work on…since I assumed most of my musings over the past 3 years were probably negative I also hoped it might help me just get to the burning stage πŸ˜› lol

But instead I found this….

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I had selected this one because I felt particularly drawn to it….the message on the front seemed to fit with where I’m at right now…. this IS the beginning.Β It’s also definitely what I want…..

so I turned the page.

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…and a smile crossed my face

I was like “Girl, you are free AF!” and then I started to laugh! I knew it back then!

I was already telling myself what I wanted.

FREEDOM.

but freedom from what?

what does free mean?

so I kept reading. …

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Since I LEGIT just defined (for the first time) what success even means to me in my last post, you can imagine my excitement when I got to look at myself in the mirror and say….

YOU ARE THERE!!

I can confidently tell you that I have the foundation to make this 2015 Alison’s goal reality.

THAT feels pretty effin amazing and all I wanted to do was share.

Look to your past and your feelings….. they will let you know who you were, so you can continue to evolve the person you are. Everything takes time…. once you actually tune in and listen to yourself, only then will you be free.

Freedom is you.

It’s you being who you are πŸ™‚

I love you all.

Alison xo

 

 

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