I just wanted to write because I’ve finally reached this really magical place where I have clarity, and though this year is still looking like the foundation is being laid as the pieces just essentially flow together. I am feeling very rooted down into my souls’ purpose and have adapted to this quiet calmness where I can balance taking action on opportunities as they are presented to me and waiting for other parts to naturally unfold. I find myself excited in a wholeness I’ve never experienced. This new merger, I’d call it, with what I believe to be my highest self, offers me a deep sense of trust, faith and a patient calmness that I’ve just never experienced yet.
I believe that if one continues to choose a collective state of consciousness that they begin to find how important connecting deeper into self actually is. For as one learns to get curious about themselves, their reactions, their attachments, their joys, who they are at their core…. that awards us a magic the world as a whole often minimizes. It offers us freedom to be authentic.
While it’s completely “normal” and encouraged for people to find out what makes their heart sing, what gives them that alive sense of self and thus a deeper sense of purpose, what’s not typical is the vulnerability required of them to actually stand in that knowledge.
Time, though an illusion of sorts, is still very much a factor of our human experience and should not be taken for granted. Even a dreamer can lose sight of the process and it’s such a shame because the moment inside the process of whatever you’re actually moving towards, is essentially all one really has. It is inside each individual moment that the larger picture of your life is forged. This is why getting to know yourself and your passions needs to be at the forefront of your priorities.
If all you have is the moment, and you have accepted that death will happen. It’s not something that we, as a human, avoids, than you need to get clear on how you’d like the world to respond to you. Anchoring down into your heart centre is, in my experience, where dreams become reality. For it is only in the moment, acting out of passionate joy, that we can create experiences and take action towards the direction we wish to head.
I have followed my passions over the last two years, with this past year awarding me more clarity than any other year prior. I realized so much about myself including where I’d like to devote a large portion of my energy and the journey/process that’s already forming together based off the last two years of my life has me nothing sort of excited.
In my observations too many of us make our heart soar towards another in the quest for romance, instead of developing a deep bond with our passions! I have found a wild romance deep inside my own heart through exploring the things I’m most passionate about, that another could never outcompete. This awards me the opportunity to open up to a romantic partnership BASED on said passions. Since I have devoted time to knowing myself, knowing what I love, knowing what I won’t tolerate, meeting my own needs, healing old wounds and becoming so self aware I don’t “need” anyone outside of myself. I can now attract that which is designed to fit into my truest form of human life. I truly wish that for all humans. You deserve to be free in your most beautiful authentic form, you deserve to be your own magic. You also deserve partners that fuel your passions and respect you for having them…even if you’re like me and have passions that take the masses by surprise. lol
To illustrate how exciting pursuing your own passions can be and how much of life is just a process, it doesn’t end, it’s not a race. Sure, our physical body will die. We will never experience this human experience again, but death is not something which to fear, death is not something to base in the moment decisions on. Living needs to be more individuals priority, and living well, in a state of freedom and authentic happiness. This IS possible and achievable if you can strive to get more connected to your truest self.
Let’s take a look at some highlighted milestones for me along my path over the last year: As I am currently reflecting on in my process as a dance/movement artist and devotional warrior of the forest..
* Feb 3rd 2019 – pole goes up in my front living space.
• Feb 8th 2019 – my dance pole officially becomes a tree in my imagination.
• March 30th 2019 – first time a stick had ever been picked up intuitively by me in a dance!
• May 11th 2019 – first time I ever pole danced with a tree (May 8th 2018 – first time I had ever done a still shot pose on one)
May 18th 2019 – sign up for my first choreographed dance class with Badass Babes Hamilton
• May 24th 2019 – I attend the #FFF Climate Strike AS Nature Girl in costume and start dancing with a stick as a result of wanting to embody to Warrior I feel I am in my heart.
• June 6th 2019 – my dance makes its first debut on my YouTube channel
• July 4th 2019 – I PUBLICLY admit and share that I want to dance with and for trees due to how devotional I feel to them.
• July 24th 2019 – first time investing in myself as a contemporary artist and I signed up to train intensively with Aeris Korper
• Aug 26th 2019 – had the beautiful Aley outside with me and taught her my tips on how to dance with trees and her performance made me cry it was so beautiful.
• Sept 22nd 2019 – Filmed the most real and private dance where I LIVE crafted the sticks I currently perform with IN the improvised dance.
• Oct 10th 2019 – finally owned the “tree pole” dance in a balanced state of ownership and self love of my sexual expression.
• Oct 24th 2019 – publicly began showing the imaginative storyteller inside me through dance and character crafting with movement.
• Nov 19th 2019 – performed choreo by Lisa Emmons in both nature in winter AND at Hamilton Bellydance Glitter show.
• Nov 22nd & 23rd – I performed in Aeris Korper’s Collapsing the Night. This included training, rehearsals, an honorarium and really helped me beyond anything I could’ve imagined. 78 people attended our final show inside the Gage Park Greenhouse and it was absolutely magical when, as part of Lisa’s creation, we included the audience in a #danceyouryou energy 🥰 #gratefulAF
• Nov 29th 2019 – began opening up more about my story that I had been creating through dance. I now realize this is my creative process as a writer.
• Dec 15th 2019 – I spend my birthday alone with the trees and dance with them and for them in the bitter cold as I draped them with lights. It was this day that I truly realized how happy the trees make me. I openly discuss and share my dedication to them.
• Dec 28th 2019 – I perform solo as Nature Girl with the warrior sticks at Kula Souls holiday talent showcase. This is monumental because it is the first time ever I accepted that I had a talent.
So much has happened in the few short months of this year, 2020, including that I quit my job to take full control over all my life and creative pursuits. I have been awarded opportunities to perform and speak on behalf of the Trees. I am building out my own 6week Nature Dance Classes and I have a MUCH clearer idea of what aspect of my movement practice I want to dive deeper into. Reclaiming the pole was something I dropped last year when I opted to train diligently in contemporary as a professionally PAID artist.
However, now that I’ve taken the time to see that I was still carrying shame surrounding my past choices as both an exotic dancer and a femme fatale archetype that felt immense guilt surrounding her sexual choices, I was able to go into it. I was able to dedicate time to feel those feelings, heal them, heck I even went into a Strip Club and legit FACED my darkest parts head on. I feel great now! I am still very much aware that I still have some things to work towards, as I always want my energy to be in a place of empowerment, enjoying my own energy, but sometimes it still comes from a place of lack. So POLE is one of my main goals moving forward. I would like to reclaim the pole and become a talented pole dancer – with the lens of bringing that to the trees in the forest and helping others reclaim their sexual life force as their own as well.
I have also been dancing and thus writing a Story. The Story Series is what it’s currently called as I have been writing it as scenes that I perhaps might just end up dancing it much like a play. That started as these small scenes I would get “downloads” from spirit for as I moved in a song and then one day I just started writing them down and before I knew it I had created endless worlds, a wide array of characters, story lines and two major hero’s journey quests within one novel…. I will blog about the Story Series another time.
The sticks are something I have grown to LOVE!!! So while you might think it’s weird or different or only for children, I am actively developing a skill that I LOVE doing. Though I do have a performance set of Warrior Sticks that I crafted within a dance, I find all of my sticks in movement experiences and ALL have a different feeling and story to share. I have found that for me, a stick can also become the sold base from which one of my characters is formed. It is a goal of mine to also continue to develop my own storytelling capabilities in movement and become more bold and brave at sharing those sides of myself.
Anyway I’m sharing mirrored highlights from last year so you can start to clearly SEE that everything is a process! If you want something you must take daily, present actions towards that which you want. I actually really enjoy the process. I’m not in a race, I’m not competing with anyone other than the person I was yesterday. I want to enjoy the journey, embrace the “mistakes”, learn from them, share them…allow others to see that they can do anything they want. They just have to start…
…then keep going.
THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING MY JOURNEY. Please know I am grateful and that I believe in myself so I will always keep going along on my mission. I hope this level of authenticity in process inspires you to explore and get more curious about your own hearts desires.
– Nature Girl